I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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