I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
