Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
