my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
