I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
