You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
