U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
