smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
