We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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