she woke up with a sticky ear
he wants to bone in the snuggie
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
