Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
