I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
