U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
