My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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