If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I will pee on everything he values.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
