rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
