AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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