the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
