break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
