dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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