problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
