You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
