we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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