Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
