two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
