I'm lost and stupid without you.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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