I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
