My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
