so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
