How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
