Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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