And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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