I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm eating all of the evidence.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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