and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
