Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
