Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
whose parrot is this?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
