this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
