She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
