he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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