All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
