Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
