Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
