You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
