i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
