My Higher Power is John Stamos
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
