i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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