i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I need to stop coming to work sober
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
