Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
