he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
