I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
