ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
then he tried to convert me to islam
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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