it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
