everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
