I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
