just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
