she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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