I need help removing her.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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