At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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