I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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